Philosophy On Falling In Love

Philosophy On Falling In Love


Falling in love is the insanity of the soul. Anyone who’s ever fallen in love knows that
it’s one of the most intense experiences that a human being can have. More often than not, logic and reason are
thrown overboard because the person of our desire seems to have enchanted every cell
in our body, and there’s nothing we want more than to be with that person. It’s dangerous, exciting, crazy, unpredictable,
and, when we’re truly affected by it, completely out of control. Philosophers throughout the ages have been
fascinated by this phenomenon. In this video, I’ll explore a few philosophical
ideas regarding falling in love, and the differences between preferential and non-preferential
love. Søren Kierkegaard was a Danish philosopher
from the nineteenth century. During his studies at the University of Copenhagen,
he met the nine years younger Regine Olsen. He fell head over heels in love with her and
this feeling was mutual. But for Kierkegaard, this event seemed tragic
rather than beautiful. Kierkegaard distinguished different types
of love. ‘Passionate preferential love’, he regarded
as just another form of self-love. Because this type of love says more about
what we are attracted to, and how the object of our desire can gratify our needs, instead
of what we can actually give without expecting something in return. When we fall in love with someone, isn’t
it so that we’re attracted to this person because he or she has the ability to evoke
a sense of pleasure in ourselves, and that this pleasure is more about how this particular human being makes us feel than the human being itself? As opposed to preferential love, Kierkegaard
distinguished what he called ‘non-preferential love’, which is not fueled by passion, non-erotic,
and not selfish. Instead, it seems to come from a place of
equanimity and can be given away endlessly, as it is a boundless source that we all have
access to. He described this kind of love as the love
we have for a neighbor, no matter who this person happens to be, instead of someone of
our preference. As he explains and I quote: “Neighbor” presses as closely as possible
upon the selfishness in life. If there are only two men, the other man is
the neighbor; if there are millions, each one of these is the neighbor, who is again
closer to one than “the friend” and “the beloved,” insofar as those, as being the
objects of preferential love, gradually become analogous to the self-love in one. End quote. Because Kierkegaard saw through the veil of
passion, he knew that the intense love between him and Regine was not sustainable, and would
eventually fade away. A year after they engaged, he broke the engagement. He wept, and grieved, but accepted his self-imposed
destiny as a solitary writer and remained emotionally faithful to Regine. Regine, however, married another man, but
never completely let go of Søren. At least, so they say. The beauty of this is that by breaking the
engagement, Kierkegaard immortalized his deep love for Olsen, as she remained very influential
and almost became a mythological archetype throughout his life. Kierkegaard’s preferential love comes with
strong attachments and is – when aimed at a lover – drenched with lust. In its insanity, it produces a chaotic explosion
of contradicting emotions; from great longing to extreme anger and jealousy. Why in the world should we pursue something
that can change from affection to hate at the flip of a switch? Is this true love? Or is it a curse? Is it a manifestation of inner madness that’s
been elevated to the domain of the sacred? When we look at ancient philosophy, we discover
that Kierkegaard wasn’t the only one that questions what we hold in such high regard
as a species: romantic love. In Buddhism, romantic love is recognized as
potentially harmful. This means that the love between two people
doesn’t necessarily have to be true love; especially when it involves unhealthy attachment
and suffering. As Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh states in
an interview: “If romantic love is true love, it can also
bring a lot of happiness. But if it is not true love, it will make you
suffer, and make the other suffer as well.” End quote. Now, this may seem obvious. But how many times the experience of falling
in love goes together with deep desire and the pain that follows from it? As the Stoics already observed: the problem
with desire is the disappointment when one fails to obtain the object of his desire. This leads to jealousy, possessiveness, and
ownership. When two people are deeply in love with each
other and want nothing more than being handcuffed together, they also produce a fear of separation,
which is a form of suffering. An example in popular culture is Anakin Skywalker
and his fear of losing Padmé that controlled him almost completely. This fear, this deep desire to never be separated
from her as he was separated from his mother, made him easily exploitable by evil. Anakin sacrifices the true love he’s supposed
to have as a Jedi, for selfish and preferential love, regardless of the death and misery he
creates by doing so. Eventually, he turns to the dark side. Now we have explored the pitfalls of falling
in love, is there a resolution? Is there a way to make love between two people
sustainable? Well, according to Thich Nhat Hanh it’s
possible for a couple that’s romantically involved to experience true love. According to him, this true love needs four
ingredients: (1) loving-kindness, which is the capacity to bring the other person happiness,
(2) compassion, which is the capacity to have concern for the other person’s sufferings,
(3) joy, because it’s important to have fun together and not make each other cry all
the time and (4) inclusiveness, which means that two people become one, and are willing
to carry each other’s burdens. This resembles the Stoic proposition on marriage
by Musonios Rufus, who saw mutual care as the key ingredient for a successful union. I quote: In marriage there must be complete companionship
and concern for each other on the part of both husband and wife, in health and in sickness
and at all times, because they entered upon the marriage for this reason as well as to
produce offspring. End quote. A problem many people face is that they seek
relationships while operating from a place of lack, hoping that their partner will fill
up their emptiness and make them whole. This isn’t the right way to think about
love. If we let our happiness depend on external
forces, we put our money on something extremely unreliable. The infatuation phase we experience when we
fall in love may make us feel complete for a while, but when the honeymoon is over, we
return to this sense of incompleteness. That’s why many people, faced with this
inner lack, break up with one partner and find another, to get that romantic high again. But completeness is not something to be found
anywhere but in ourselves. Only when we feel complete as individuals,
we’re able to love without conditions. Falling in love, then, could be a beautiful
experience, that’s not tainted by wants and needs. This way, we don’t it see as a path to completeness,
but as an opportunity to share our own completeness with someone else. Ideally, in the Kierkegaardian as well as
the Buddhist sense, we enter the domain of non-preferential love, in which we don’t
just fall in love with our partner, but also with the rest of existence. As Lao Tzu wrote in the Tao Te Ching: Love the whole world as if it were your self;
then you will truly care for all things. Thank you for watching.

99 thoughts on “Philosophy On Falling In Love

  • December 8, 2019 at 2:03 pm
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    Thumb up before even watching 👍🏻

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 2:03 pm
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    Notif squad here xD

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 2:05 pm
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    Thank you for this philosophical enlightenment

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 2:08 pm
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    Well said.

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 2:11 pm
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    STOP SCROLLING
    U gonna fall in love one day, do not worry
    comment a heart for the person you love now, or for a person you will meet and fall in love with

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 2:13 pm
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    Love yourself first then be one with other's love. wholesome 100 is the key

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 2:17 pm
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    Falling in love is like beartrap. NO matter you do, you will feel pain. Either you bleed out or die alone. – Joel Olguin (A friend of mine)

    In the end we will all die alone.
    But you can decide if you wanna die alone now. Which I'm going to do right know, bye bye cruel world

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 2:17 pm
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    Jesus christ this channel is SAVING MY LIFE. Absolute genius. Thank you so much. You help me breath when i feel i am sinking. ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 2:18 pm
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    That's so true it hurts❤️

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 2:18 pm
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    Preferential love is both heaven & hell…but it will stay with you for the rest of your life, those people will never fade in your mind, you carry them with you always, it’s a life sentence whether you are together or not..they leave an indelible mark upon your soul x

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 2:22 pm
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    Bruh this is what i learn in literature lessons

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 2:23 pm
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    Hello people

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 2:25 pm
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    Love is nature's way getting to you to fuck. Simple. Go to bed

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 2:25 pm
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    Just here to hate on the boomers who flamed the brilliant prequels and caused the demise of modern Star Wars movies. Great vid as always!

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 2:25 pm
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    Love without condition..
    I don't believe that something like that exists.
    But I agree withe the rest of the video.
    Nice work as always.

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 2:26 pm
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    Entering a relationship should be an emotional decision. Leaving a relationship should be a logical decision. too often it's the opposite

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 2:28 pm
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    Oh God right into the abyss with me today

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 2:29 pm
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    Does this community has stoic love to ourselves and sleep/dreams?

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 2:31 pm
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    I'm deathly afraid of falling in love. I'm focusing on loving myself.

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 2:32 pm
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    Agape is the purest and highest form of love.

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 2:35 pm
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    Unfortunately, in this day and age, a romanticised notion of love has become synonymous with possessiveness – manifestation of ego
    A true love is for life itself

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 2:38 pm
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    Again, you said exactly what i needed to hear. It is easy to live for the love of others, to expect them to make feel whole, as you don't have to deal with it yourself.
    But it's also a lot to ask and like you said "it's unreliable".
    Now, how am i supposed fill that "something" left by others, as someone who's always seeked love for happyness; how should i overcome the fear of abandon so deeply ungraved in me? stoïcism seems like a good idea however i don't know what step to take first.
    greatings from France 🙂

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 2:44 pm
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    We must not confuse love and lust

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 2:48 pm
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    I love you Einzelganger, non-preferentially 🙂

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 2:50 pm
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    Your channel is such a blessing!

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 2:54 pm
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    This is so good

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 2:56 pm
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    Love is overrated.

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 2:58 pm
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    You're good man.. wondefully explained

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 2:59 pm
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    "But completeness is not something to be found anywhere but in ourselves…"

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 3:04 pm
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    Story of Anakin is deep and profound, he was a young boy with dreams of visiting all the planets in the galaxies, he was good-hearted and when he saw that he could not save his mother whom he loved, he felt a profound sense of loss. The nail in the coffin was seeing Padme die, he would lose what he loved the most, and he could not fail her so he would go to even the depths of hell to save her, but little did he know that once something is destined, it can never be changed. So he became Darth Vader because of love, in a way you can say Love is what created Darth Vader. Which is so strange, that something so dark was once so bright…

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 3:07 pm
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    Love? Happiness? It seems humanity has instilled these things into ideologies just so they can explain the intricate chemical imbalances they experience. That's from the past. Why everyone refuses to let them go like an old habit? Like smoking, each following generation is still plagued by it.

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 3:17 pm
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    What is your accent? What is your first language? Thanks for answering 🙂

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 3:17 pm
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    Very good topic👍

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 3:23 pm
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    Fantastic video!

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 3:25 pm
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    In modern times, most can only take, not give. Their hearts are hardened and closed, and they desperately need acceptance to feel validated. The age of narcissism.

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 3:26 pm
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    We are wired to procreate and all that it entails. We might see it as desire of which the Tao speaks so eloquently. The Greeks split the term, "love," in various ways. My thought about Kierkegaard and his love…It worked for him but might not have worked if he wanted to raise a family. Helen Fisher's book, "Why We Love," puts a biochemical spin on the matter. Thank you for my Sunday worship of the words.

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 3:37 pm
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    "You've turned her against me!!! You will not take her from me!!" – Anakin Skywalker

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 3:49 pm
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    Completeness begin in ourselves.

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 3:50 pm
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    Philosophy on Can't Relate

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 3:52 pm
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    Stay single :^

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 3:54 pm
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    This channel is just sooo good!

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 4:16 pm
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    Its cuffing season, stay woke

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 4:30 pm
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    will you link your GoodReads account to look for recommendations for books

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 4:35 pm
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    Patrice O Neal is the best philosopher on love.

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 4:41 pm
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    Thank you very much for your videos 👍👍.

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 4:52 pm
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    Another excellent valuable video
    THANKYOU

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 4:54 pm
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    What is love?

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 4:55 pm
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    I’ve been waiting for this oneeeeeee

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 4:57 pm
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    No need to get an idea of something being perfect no? We love however and define it however. It is so typical for this times, thinking of mental hygiene and to think we have to put our mindset on a lvl. of a guy who is walking over green gras the hole day. Heard a story this days of a woman who let her child starve to death, while the husband was sitting on the sofa. They don't give a fuck. But… they stick to each other, I guess they call it love… .

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 5:11 pm
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    You had me at Star Wars 🤗.

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 5:21 pm
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    Thank you for not shitting on the Ani

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 5:32 pm
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    this channel is pure gold 🖤

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 5:36 pm
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    Holy shit thank you so much for this! So weird that you posted this at a time I needed it the most but so cool too! Thanks!

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 5:38 pm
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    Trough Hollywood movies, and cheesy romance novels we have been brainwashed into believing that falling in lust, and then by behaving irrationally, in an uncivilized manner become possessive of each other is true romantic love. However, this is disproved by how many couples who marry through a prearranged marriage actually stay married longer, even for life, while the romanticized couples get divorced in droves. Societies where couples love each other in a more mature manner, and stay together, raising children as a partnership, running the household almost as a business, rather purely by emotion, raise happier and more stable children, and last longer, if not until life do they part. Thanks for your video! 😊

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 5:41 pm
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    i love h hell yeah

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 5:55 pm
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    Falling in Love is stupid. Just shove those arrowes up Cupid's ass. You will thank me later. I would rather take a sweam in Cloaca Maxima then to fall in love ever again.

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 5:57 pm
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    "True love is a love of giving, not a love of receiving."

    – Abraham Twerski

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 6:03 pm
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    After i found innercompletnes
    İ feell in True Love whit someone
    İt feels very diffrent it can t be explained by only using words

    Great video ! 🙂

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 6:11 pm
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    Haha we watched the same things

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 6:12 pm
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    This video came just in time lmao

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 6:22 pm
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    This was WONDERFUL and insightful…and what I was on the cusp of figuring out in my life. Thank you. I really enjoy and appreciate your work!

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 6:27 pm
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    "Fall" in love? Stand in love.

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 6:28 pm
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    You know its gonna be a good day when Einzelgänger
    uploads.

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 6:37 pm
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    Romantic love is a kind of high in the sky.

    If I love gods, then that love is god.

    God is in us, the author of our dream.

    Love is a friendship inspires by beauty and truth, and sustains by loving kindness.

    The rule of friendship means that there must be a mutual understanding between them;
    each supplying what the other lacks and trying to benefit the other:

    Always using sincere and friendly words.

    Therefore, the expressions of love must be kind and gentle, not some diamonds in the sky.

    Love is neither wise nor beautiful, but it is rather the passion for wisdom and beauty.

    Actual love in itself inflames people's hearts with a desire for the beautiful object,

    not so without the hope that too the affection is mutual.

    I love congfu.

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 6:46 pm
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    So have you given up on the solitary wolf channel ?

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 6:52 pm
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    Kia ora from New Zealand. sometimes Love can be to little to late I was in my late 20s but it was 10 years to late

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 6:58 pm
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    (This is a bit heavy for me while I'm thinking about fixing the roof.) I would say that the chemistry of love is a bio-function. My body has functions I don't agree with. When my doctor told me that my body sustains blood flow at the same priority for the brain and the testicles, I laughed. My body thinks the little head is as important as my big head. LOL! My body also thinks I need to bond with anybody who has sex with me. It's a bio-function! My body wants to reproduce. It will prioritize blood flow and bombard me with chemicals to get to its goal.

    Once upon a time, I was sleeping with a very average looking blonde and having thoughts about growing old with her. It was in that moment that she phoned her brother and told him I was holding her against her will. She had gotten hold of enough narcotic pills to switch her into her alter ego. (I delivered all her possessions to her brother's house 45 minutes later.) My point is, your body will apply the bonding chemicals before the woman has had enough time to reveal herself. This is very dangerous to the uninitiated. This causes bad marriages. This is what makes men overlook the red flags.

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  • December 8, 2019 at 7:21 pm
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    When you love someone, you basically invite him to betray you

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  • December 8, 2019 at 7:38 pm
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    one would better fall into a tiger's den than to fall in love..
    romantic love is worse than rat poison..

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 8:02 pm
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    You always amaze me how poignant, relevant, and encouraging your videos are. It's obvious you have a lot of non preferential love to give to the world. Thanks.

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 8:22 pm
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    Maybe love is the poison and the cure? I hope so.

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 8:35 pm
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    This Channel should have a podcast

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 8:39 pm
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    Love! 🙂

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 8:42 pm
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    only fools rush in

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 8:49 pm
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    fantastic .. thank you

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 8:56 pm
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    There is a diffrence between the honey moon and true love

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 9:01 pm
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    Honestly your videos usually calm me down, but this one has me feeling pretty stressed. But on that note, very fulfilling and thoughtful video

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 9:20 pm
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    Great summary

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 9:50 pm
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    I can never have a moment can I?

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 9:55 pm
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    shut up already

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 10:09 pm
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    How I would've loved to be alive in Kierkegaard's time, before tech and overstimulation flattened our emotional capacity… great video as always!

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 10:25 pm
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    beautiful

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 10:28 pm
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    Ah Star Wars, now you’re speaking my language

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 10:29 pm
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    What is love?

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 10:46 pm
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    "Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another." – H.L. Mencken

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 11:16 pm
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    High quality filming and good talk. Good job sir

    Reply
  • December 8, 2019 at 11:33 pm
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    without love life is misery

    Reply
  • December 9, 2019 at 12:15 am
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    It seems you have enormous passion for Buddhism. I noticed all your great videos covering life, nature, PEACE and beauty have a touch of Buddhism or Buddhist teachings and Dao as the icing on the cake. It is also supplemented by Stoicism. Why so when all these are minor faiths or have minor following amongst humanity? Nevertheless the beauty of Eastern wisdom is heavily exposed to the mankind.

    Edited to add: Thank you!

    Reply
  • December 9, 2019 at 12:26 am
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    Bull dust. What your describing is lust.. romance is not love.. even love for your child is not love. Its a very singular focused form of love.. reall love is open accepting reverence to all that is.. your basically talking about petty hormones..

    Reply
  • December 9, 2019 at 12:51 am
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    No Body…

    Loves…
    No One.

    Reply
  • December 9, 2019 at 1:35 am
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    I agree with the "sharing of wholeness" view. It's certainly the more enlightened approach and not incredibly common. However, I don't think the "objective" (if you'll permit me to use that term) of romantic love is to produce a lasting condition. There are dimensions of ones being that can only be fully realized and explored in conjunction with others. Ideally one goes into that endeavor with an attitude of giving, and results in real joy rather than suffering and strife. There is no guarantee that it will last however, and I think being preoccupied with such a notion is rather counterproductive.

    And the thing about preferential love is, while it is true one is more concerned with how the other person makes you feel, the same is true of the other person. I do not believe this in itself is indicative of pathology. Rather the pathologies spring from the failure to recognize this condition. The fact each person is reliant on the other is actually example of interdependence. And its in the exploration of interdependence that we become less egocentric, less narcissistic and less self-obsessed. However, we all come from that same place of narcissism (babies are the most narcissistic humans on the planet, in its truest sense), and its by seeing others as oneself, feeding others, as it were, that we can create heaven on earth. Yet it is actually that core of narcissism that makes all of this possible.

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  • December 9, 2019 at 1:41 am
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    Do not fall in love. It's a bad idea.

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  • December 9, 2019 at 1:57 am
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    For some unknown reason, I always disliked the term 'True Love.' Isn't love itself signifies – the so called 'true love' – in it's sole meaning? My presumption is that the prejudice people inhibit with time is what makes love – true love; ironical in one way.

    Reply
  • December 9, 2019 at 2:33 am
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    👍🌹

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  • December 9, 2019 at 3:11 am
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    If a person is complete in oneself why would he need the company of another.

    Reply
  • December 9, 2019 at 3:22 am
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    You yourself the speaker are a part of the CIA group and your clip is deceiving and nonesense; whar kind of rascal are you ?…..who gets anything in life unless one is part of a predatory preying group?

    Reply
  • December 9, 2019 at 3:26 am
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    I think intimate love cannot exist without certain kinds of
    dependencies.

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  • December 9, 2019 at 3:43 am
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    I knew Kierkegaard was a depressing guy but holy fuck

    Reply

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