How to become a professional photographer in 5 easy steps(alternative facts)

How to become a professional photographer in 5 easy steps(alternative facts)


Hello and welcome to the good free photos channel good free photos. Calm where you can find over 20,000 free photos for free use in your personal or professional Projects with no strings attached good free photos. Calm check it out Today’s topic is how to be a professional photographer you might think that being able to take great pictures in a variety of different situations Would qualify you as a professional photographer you might even think that making money off photography And that being a primary means of income qualifies you as a professional photographer those are not true I’m gonna tell you the steps to become a professional photographer today, and these are not my opinions. They are facts Complete and utter facts if you want to be a professional photographer You need to heed these facts, otherwise you will not be a professional photographer They aren’t in the professional photographers handbook Which I am writing and once I finish writing it you should buy it no matter how much it costs Because you need it to become a professional Professional photographer, but I’m gonna teach you the secret rules right now in this video Rule number one you must have a bulky expensive Technologically sophisticated an Impressive looking camera if you go to an event with this thing like a cell phone It doesn’t matter if you have like the new you know iPhone X or whatever a Galaxy Note 8 or whatever the hell it is You’ll start doing this and taking photos people will just push you aside and be like you know what he’s a noob Just push him aside and let the serious professionals do their job He doesn’t know what he’s doing taking pictures of this dinky cell phone And if you think an iPhone X makes you look professional because the newest gadget people think people are going to just think you’re a noob hipster trying to be professional you cannot be a Professional with something dinky as small as this But if you show up to an event with with something like this the Nikon d80 People are gonna think you are professional and you will be have that professional aura because this thing is expensive big Bulky and impressive looking it’s got all these sophisticated camera button thingies It doesn’t matter if you don’t know what these are for what’s important Is that you have them and people see that you have them it’s even got a touch screen so you can change the autofocus area and You know the screen even tilts and that just screams professionalism if you know how to use these things right? But as long as you look like you know how to use these things and you have a big bulky camera like this You can be considered a professional photographer at least Step one and people will look at you and be like oh that guy really knows what he’s doing Let’s get out of his way and let him take his pictures and do his job now to have that aura you must at least have a full-frame camera that means you must at least have a Nikon d610 a Canon 6d Mark – I cannot be 750 if you have a 5d Mark 4 or a D 850 like this one even better And if you have a 1 DX 2 or a d5 that’s the best because those are big bulky Sophisticated and expensive looking and they’re built like a tank you can literally bop someone over the head with those things And they probably will not break don’t do that though because you might get served now the second step is that you must also always carry a Tripod and know how to use the viewfinder or always pretend at least to use the viewfinder Because you know we know that all pros use the viewfinder even though alive you for things that don’t move very fast It’s probably more convenient because you don’t have to swim But that doesn’t matter so you hold the camera like this And you just pin your blog you screen people are going to be like oh, he’s just looking at the LCD screen He doesn’t know how to like capture the essence of that picture You know – that traditional camera since the viewfinder and people are gonna be like that’s unsophisticated Photography he’s no good. We gotta find someone else He’s not really a professional But if you squint really hard You know squinting harder is better because it makes you look really physicist sophisticated and makes it look like you’re scoping out the perfect picture if you have a big camera, and you split really hard through the viewfinder to Get that picture people are gonna be like man that guy you know he’s so good He’s taking pictures that I can never dream taking so you need to always use the viewfinder It doesn’t matter if you live view is better for the situation if you want to be professional you have to use the viewfinder And like I said step 3 you have to have a tripod It doesn’t matter if you actually use the tripod or not even if you’re not using the tripod I have a tripod by the way as my camera is on the tripod filming this thing and You have to have a tripod because Generally it doesn’t matter if you do that But having a tripod makes you look much more professional And makes you look like we exactly know Exactly what you’re doing because you need something to balance the camera and to hold itself I can take your perfect picture now if you Have a really big camera and a professional sturdy tripod, and you’re using the viewfinder squinting as hard as you can people are going to be like man that guy must be like a National Geographic Wildlife photographer or man that must be like me Premier wedding photographer in these parts people are going to be like people are gonna think you are the Prois person They’ve ever seen and you have that aura of proneness that make people want to just throw money at you because you are an extremely Pro looking photographer so remember always use the viewfinder Even if LED you is better use the viewfinder Anyways and always carry a tripod even if you’re not really using a tripod cos obviously the tripods not very young You know realistic for some purposes and makes the camera harder to wield and stuff Pretend like your Union kind of set the camera sort of like you know right above the tripod So it looks like it’s on the tripod But you still have that range of motion and pretend that you’re using the tripod because if people see that They’re gonna be like man. That is one pro photographer now step number four you need to have pro photographer stories, and it’s okay if you embellish a little bit on these pro photographer stories because you need to have a Good story to tell every single Professional photographer has a story to tell What I’m wearing they defied the odds and even in death-defying circumstances turned around and took that perfect photo and greed and a the perfect exposure and Embellishing is okay for instance if you were to the zoo, and you know at the lion exhibit And the lion was just like kind of running towards you and you took a good shot You know when you tell the story don’t say oh, I went to the zoo And I got this great shot on a lion What kind of a pro story is that there’s no danger in that no action no drama in that that’s not a pro story People were gonna think you’re a complete noob You tell that story But if you said so when you tell the story tell it like this uh I was on the Serengeti plan and a hungry Massive hungry lion leading a pride was charging for at me And as I was running and as I was running and about to leap on the G to make my getaway In midair, I turned around and snapped a perfect shot of that lion And this is that picture now if you tell that story and people people are gonna be super impressed They know that you’ve been around the world Shooting pictures of every single location possible to find death defied the odds, and you are a true professional Photographer that knows exactly what it’s doing and get the perfect exposure even in a split second where death life and death is on the line and that story will make you a true professional Photographer it’s okay that it’s mostly fake, and you embellished it in fact It’s probably entirely think that you embellished it, but that’s okay because you need to sound impressive the more impressive the better Now step number five and this might be the most Important step of all Because and you need to follow step number one to have the big expensive camera to actually Follow through with a step But step number five is you must have big lenses The bigger the longer and the heavier the harder the better because big long hard lenses Oh, man, that is the mark of both manliness and a professional photographer now If you show up at an event with you know an iPhone and and hang on let me get this Thingamabob her out of this magic bag here. Where is thinking of opera, and you know one of these clip-on things and wait wait hang on hang on guys and You just attach this crap. You know you know macro lens to the To your iPhone camera and clip it on and start taking pictures like this people are going to be like new step aside And let us do our thing because you obviously are just an amateur that doesn’t know what you’re doing what a loser Get out of here, and you will walk away in shame because you are not a professional photographer But like I said if you have this camera you need to pair it with the correct lens Well they put this crap back in my pockets before I lose it actually doesn’t matter if I think it cost like ten dollars So whatever that also shows that these this is not expensive, so it does not make me a professional photographer But if you show up with this camera you need to have the best lens to pair with it if you pair This camera with a small lens like this one people are thinking people are not going to think you’re really that Pro They can I think you you’re just getting started in photography Maybe shooting like an amateur wannabe enthusiast shooting your first of them. Yes, if you put this thing on this camera. It’s small they’re gonna be like they’re not making the best pro use of that camera because you know it’s It doesn’t feel right. I mean. It’s so small. It’s not long and Yeah, what are you doing pairing this this amateur lens with this professional looking camera you obviously haven’t gotten the hang of What you’re supposed to be doing but but if you show up with this camera this camera and and this lens oh? man How pro are they going to think you are I mean look at this thing. This is like the essence of man the essence of a pro photographer this is Completely pro when you attach this thing on – damn this thing’s heavy You’d attach this cat this lens Onto this camera which I’m going to do right now Shit hang on there we go You are Going to be the Prois cartographer people I’ve ever seen when people see this they’re gonna be like dang Man he must be the pro s photographer in the world look at that giant looking camera and look at this big long hard lens He is the essence of pro photography There is nothing he cannot do with this camera and this lens now this lens is actually completely impractical for shooting just about anything That’s moving any slight bit, but that doesn’t matter because it looks like you can shoot anything I mean people are gonna think you can shoot vladimir putin in the kremlin with this thing and you probably could be Thinking that you’re that professional taking pictures of aliens on mars Which you probably could with this lens as well so basically if you have this giant lens I mean this lens is almost as tall as I am just think of how good a Professional this makes you look and you know the longer the harder the bigger the lens is the more power you have yeah So having this lens with this big camera makes it professional Powerlevel go way up and you can basically turn super saiyan photographer if you have this lens and when people see this They’re gonna, just like Part like the Red Sea in front of you So you can get that perfect shot because man he is so probably better not get in his way And and if there are any doubters that this is not the essence of pro of a pro photographer You can use this ugly hard built lens long hard lens to beat them into submission So he won’t have no opposition and everyone will see that you mean business and that you are a true pro photographer Now like I said This lens actually very young pseudo forestry much of anything so to make yourself even look more pro you should always bring a big lens that actually allows you to shoot many many things at certain events or dates, so you know what you put this lens on and you realized that you can’t actually shoot anything with this lens because it’s not practical You’re like you know what this lens is pretty is really pro and powerful But I have another lens That’s better suited for shooting this type of situation and that other lens and must be big because you’re treating one big lens and you Need to trade it for another big lens otherwise people are going to think you’re just done ready You don’t know what you’re doing so if you bring this lens that can’t shoot anything you have to bring Just a second you have to bring this lens as well it can actually Shoot things now when people say see you’re trading one giant lens for another giant Hard long lens they’re going to be so impressed. They’re gonna just bow down and Taotao to you and Worship you for being such a pro photographer And you know they’re you’re gonna think that you can shoot anything in everything now You don’t actually have to know how to use either of these lenses but because you know if you auto focus these things work pretty well anyways but Regardless you have both these Pro lenses, and you should show up with a big bulky camera Then you are the essence of Pro, and these are the five steps to become a pro photographer So let’s review you must have a big bulky expensive looking camera You must know how to use the tripod you must use the viewfinder – at all times You must have great death-defying Pro photographers stories and fit you must have many large Bulky expensive and pro looking lenses, and those are the five things that you need to do to become a professional photographer Alright, that is today’s video go out there Do exactly what I say and become the best professional both photographer that you can be I? Will see you next time You

3 thoughts on “How to become a professional photographer in 5 easy steps(alternative facts)

  • October 12, 2017 at 11:10 pm
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    In case anyone didn't get it or didn't watch the very end part, this isn't a serious video.

    Reply
  • October 13, 2017 at 8:05 am
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    Very funny. Love it. Damnit, now I need to upgrade my D500 for the D850 and iPhone 6 for iPhone X. Absolutely have to buy that lens. My 200-500 Nikon lens is just not PRO. LOL

    Reply
  • October 13, 2017 at 8:08 am
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    Ok, I think you can grow your YouTube. Improve the audio and lighting and perhaps a hard hitting short intro. Tell us what your going to say (shortly) then intro then Video with good Audio and lighting. Your followers will dramatically increase. Keep up the good work.

    Reply

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